This week, I’m thinking about rules. After reading Shira Erlichman’s newsletter about having “5 Rules” and immediately thought about how I wanted to ask my friends and family for their own on topics in which I consider them experts )aka things I ask them about all the time) I asked a lot of people for their rules and these are some of the replies. My friends are geniuses. I love them all so much. I may have to make this a regular series.
Kate Quarfordt on art:
Trust longings. Amplify inklings. Follow the tiny tugs in your peripheral vision. Give yourself over to them fully, as if they were a really big deal. They are.
Keep secrets. Art can be authentic without spilling every drop of your personal tea. Preserving mystery is not antithetical to honesty. Emily Dickinson gets it: “Tell all the truth but tell it slant.”
Don’t hoard. Clean out closets. Share ideas. Collaborate. Host generously. Get credited and paid when you can—in fact, fight like hell for that—but do it so you have more capacity to give.
Phase shift. Make art one season at a time—not necessarily calendar-wise: vibes-wise. Spring is for planting (inspiration), summer is for tending (work), fall is for harvest (sharing), and winter is for resting (reflection.) Know where you are in the cycle. Don’t work in two seasons at once.
Name thresholds. That existentially painful, overwhelming, disorienting moment when labor gives way to actually pushing the baby out? You think you’re dying. You’re not. There’s a name for it. It’s called “transition.”
Kate Q. pictured with some of Invocation: Sentinels
Amanda Saviñón on starting something new*:
Be scared, but don’t let fear stop you from moving forward. You’ve already decided to make the change and do the new thing. There is no room for crippling fear.
Grief over what you used to know and how you used to know it will take over. Take time to intentionally do nothing between moving on from something old and starting something new. Maybe you want deep rest, more TV, more walks, more (or less) food, more social interaction, or more isolation. Whatever it is, let it be for a bit.
Be picky! Be selective of what you say yes to, and don’t be afraid to say no. You’re starting something new; make space and time for it.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Making a change changes more than one thing; it changes everything around it.
Trust the process! If you pass by a house every day that is being built from the ground up, it will look like nothing is happening, but trust that it is. Only after a strong foundation is put down does the house start to look like it is moving along.
*My list was inspired (and affirmed), in part, by this offering which briefly mentions Palestinian-American philosopher Edward Said‘s idea that beginnings are intentional and productive but always “include a sense of loss.”
Josef Reyes on design:
1. It’s easy to make something look good, it’s harder to make something look interesting
2. Moodboards are not ideas
3. Be suggestive, not prescriptive
4. Things should not be any more beautiful than they need to be
5. Be skeptical of everything, especially design
George Gene Gustines on comics:
Comics are words and pictures interacting. I'm not fond of "comics" or "graphic novels" that are prose with spot illustrations. I want to read a comic or I want to read a novel. The hybrid approach does not appeal to me.
Inclusive credits. There is typically a team of people producing a comic. I feel bad when I read coverage (including my own) that does not include everyone. (In journalism, editors are rarely credited. In comics, an editor taking too much credit can be controversial: See Roy Thomas.)
Check those publication dates! Comics often had dates on their covers that were later than when they hit newsstands. This can lead to inaccurate dates for first appearances. Action No. 1 has "June 1938" on it but arrived in April.
Superman should always radiate goodness. Henry Cavill is an artisanal human being, but he was forced to play a morose Man of Steel. When he finally smiled in Justice League, it was a step in the right direction. I have my fingers crossed for the James Gunn version, but the first promo image had me worried.
Don't rain on the parade of others. This could be better titled: Stay Off Social Media. If I post that I like something, it is not an invitation for debate. And I certainly would not @ a creator telling them their work is terrible. I post about things I enjoy or have questions about. If I don't like it (like, say, a prose comic), I don't finish it and I don't publically moan about it.
Mandi Mamanna on raising a teen:
If you are lucky enough to have a teen who wants to talk to you about their life, for the love of Beyoncé, control your reactions. If you react harshly, they may not want to try again.
Have clear rules and boundaries, but always be willing to listen if your teen is trying to communicate and allow them to explain why.
No is not a final answer, giving your teens reasons for your decisions/answers allows them to understand and (possibly) be less resistant.
Pick your battles. SO WHAT if they roll their eyes when they have to do a chore?
Give yourselves grace. You’re both doing life for the first time.
Marvin Orellana on selfies:
Rule #1: Selfies should be for yourself! There are really no rules. Be as silly or as serious as you want. At the end of the day it’s a celebration of you and your creativity.
Rule #2: Like anything photography: light, tone, color, angles, expression and all that jazz matter. A good selfie stands out because you’re thinking about the big picture.
Rule #3: Be as literal or as abstract as you like. Sometimes the sign of a good selfie is that the viewer can tell it’s you without your facein the photo - could be a shadow selfie, an object that becomes part of your photo that resembles you or becomes associated with you. [Ed note: I’d like to introduce you to Marv’s 3D basket hat] The self has no shape and neither should your selfies. Let them be as interpretive as you like as long as the essence of you is in them.
Rule #4: Don’t think it is self-involved to post a selfie. Art should be celebrated and good artful selfies of you even more. It’s self love.
Rule #5: Just have fun. Be genuine and be yourself.
SELFIE KING
My own rules are about writing a newsletter:
1. Have an idea. . .but it doesn’t even have to be a fully fleshed out because things evolve! My first issue (FINE, the first ~30 were very much me figuring it all out. I appreciate those of you who stuck with me). If you have a passion and excitement to do it, don’t let that feeling pass.
2. If you want to monetize, spend time researching platforms, otherwise, just pick a simple one that looks nice and feels good use. Beehiiv is great, but there are a ton of others and honestly, it only really matters to you.
4. If people aren’t paying for it, you can send it whenever you want! It is free 99! You are the boss!I (Do I follow this advice? Not really, but “do as I say not as I do” or whatever.)
5. No really, just start. I’ll subscribe. I promise.
This week in reading. . .
Wooooof. I have been in such a rut. I keep starting books and not finishing them. At one point, I had five books out from the library and none of them stuck. I tried two physical books from my TBR. I made my way through an Abby Jimenez that was cute, but I got annoyed with the main characters. I’m currently making my way through this SNL book, and it is very very good, but I need some fiction in my life. The book that finally broke me out of the funk was The Witches of El Paso which I am now flyinggggg through.
This week in TV. . .
The new season of Survivor is off to a grand start (Related: I cannot believe how many seasons of Survivor I have watched. Spoiler: all of them.)
Agatha All Along is. . .fine? I think I only like it because of Audrey Plaza.
This week in a gif. . .
me and my friends when we haven’t
seen each other in a while
This week in movies. . .
I thought Babes was going to be like the 2024 version of Baby Momma, instead I found myself in my feels. There’s like a comedic mini-Before Sunrise in there! And friendship drama. I was EMOSH.
I really liked the idea behind A Quiet Place: Day One. So smart to have a prequel. Shame about the actual movie though.
This week in a newsletter. . .
A compelling argument that Daniel Craig is now a Fashion Girlie.
This what makes women clean newsletter by AHP.
This week in follow this account. . .
Are you following along with my NYPL Picture Collection takeover?
This week in google searches. . .
the lightning field
kaiser roll vs. portuguese roll
how old was angelica pickles
This week in one good thing. . .
Shout out to group chats and texts that have been making this eternally long week bearable. Blue ribbon to BF for the Met Gala commentary.
This week in a quote. . .
“But other times, following your gut means challenging yourself to try something new, not because it will make you a better kind of a person, but because it might be interesting, it might be fun, and at the very least you’ll learn something new from it.
I think the real irony here is that the more you accept exactly who you are, the more room you have to grow into new shapes.” - Heather Havrilesky
This week in artsy stuff and photo things. . .
I love these collaged portraits by Emma Odumade.
Impressive pumpkin carving.
Nan Goldin shot a Gucci campaign.
This week on the internet. . .
It was infuriating to read about some of the hurdles that Aisha Nyandoro had to face in her quest to give money away to single mothers.
Been reading and talking a lot about kids and allowance lately.
Very interesting idea for under the BQE.
This dual-narrative piece by father-daughter duo Joe and Lucy Sexton.
Toxic fandoms are truly terrible.
This absolutely bonkers story about a daycare in Brooklyn closing abruptly (shockingly, I know someone else this has happened to)
me, when my song comes on,
Leonor
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