This week, I’m thinking about friends who are family.

My dear friend Nicole the Troll had a life-changing awful 2023. In her own words:

In the aftermath of tragedy, the way her community rallied around her was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. We mobilized like Voltron. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Nicole, and her network, of which I am honored to be a part of, shows up, but this was beyond what I could’ve ever imagined. There was the group who lived nearby to help take care of her beloved dog Maggie, the group the flew in to stay with her at the hospital, the ones who fixed her leaky sink, the group that helped her navigate everyone who wanted to help, everyone who sent money, me, fighting with various banks to then get her the funds. It just went on and on in the most beautiful way, considering the horrendous circumstances.

At the end of the year, she bought a house and I knew I wanted to get her a really special gift. I’d been thinking a lot about family trees (I’ve been working on one for Zu) and so I thought of a framily tree with everyone in her orbit and how they intersect. 

I started, of course, with a spreadsheet. I went through our various group chats and mutual friends lists and just compiled lots of data.  I accumulated a lot of information, but it was clearly incomplete and I had a lot of questions.

So next up, I reached out to Sarah, Marc and Lauren - some of Nicole’s very best friends. I didn’t just need their help though. I also wanted to make sure I was going down the right path with this as a gift. I have a fun habit of second guessing myself immediately after starting a project (so healthy!) but this felt like the a BIG DEAL to get wrong. They loved the idea and began to fill holes, add names, and correct my mistakes. Meanwhile, I flagged all of the places where I would need to do even more digging. I used FB and instagram and sent other trusted friends questions. I asked Sarah, Marc and Lauren to help me figure out who could help with more names and details. They were then tasked with asking weird, probing questions to more of Nicole’s friends. I assume the reason this never got back to her was because the questions were so random and the project seemed very abstract.

Once I felt like I had enough data, I could finally start thinking about what it would look like. I invited myself over to Kate’s studio for the day where she rolled out an enormous piece of brown craft paper and I got to work. I sorted various groups, then moved them around, thought about different ways to connect them, considered various coding (color, shapes), mapped and noodled and plotted. It was so much fun.

I made Josef, long time work husband/most talented designer, a rough draft which he turned into something beautiful. Then I would make tweaks, and he’d fix it, then I’d make more tweaks, and so on for several rounds. (He’s my most patient friend, clearly)

Finally, I did one last pass and made the decision that there would likely be mistakes and no, I wouldn’t be able to find the last initial of those two people, and I was just going to have to let it go. Nicole would love it no matter what (I hoped!) 

It arrived on a Saturday and somehow she managed not to open it until Monday morning (was I panicking in those 36 hours? Yes.) Once she did, she unleashed a barrage of texts IMMEDIATELY threatening me with payback.

To be fair, this was the note it arrived with, so maybe I was provoking her ire.

To be clear, she was actually very happy and touched. But also. . .BIG FEELINGS. And then she made ME cry. Overall, there were many tears shed between us both.

Nicole first mentioned how she would read a newsletter about this process which I thought was a great idea. She also had a great idea for the title:

Love you, Nicole.

This week in reading. . .
I did not love the ending of Maddalena and the Dark, although overall I thought the book was a good read. Summertime Punchline was good with a lot of genuinely funny moments, but it was not great. I am halfway now through Real Americans which is PHENOMENAL. I just want to read it all day.

​This week in listening. . .
RIP to Longform one of the most consistently interesting podcasts I listen to.

​This week in TV. . .
Doing a rewatch of High Fidelity (TV show) and mannnnn, I really like that show. Zoe Kravitz is so hot and messy.

​​This week in a gif. . .

This week in movies. . .
Is Dakota Johnson a good actress? I can’t decide. She is compelling to watch but I can’t decide if she’s just a compelling trainwreck. Someone help me decide, please. I watched her in Am I OK?

​This week in a newsletter. . .
Lovely, new-to-me newsletter Words on Words.

This really poignant interview with Lissa Soep on friendship and words and death.

​This week in follow this account. . .
From the National Weather Service - a HeatRisk map.

This week in google searches. . .

This week in one good thing. . .
When your sister is your daughter’s favorite person - best. feeling. ever.

​This week in a quote. . .
“I have long been in a prison of my own ambition, stuck without a narrative for moving forward. I’m slowly starting to find my way out. But it means accepting that success looks different than I thought it would.” - Samhita Mukhopadhyay

​This week in artsy stuff and photo things. . .
This piece on “a process to process” which is something I think about a lot.

Nicola in this Skims campaign is SO good.

Photos from the early days of hip-hop.

This week on the internet. . .
I loathe the design of this page, but am forever intrigued by the world of competitive excel.

This interview with Jonathan Groff was quite charming.

Solitary confinement is cruel and unusual punishment.

Always read Xochitl Gonzalez - this time on NYC schools teaching kids to read. (Spoiler: it’s not great)

Emily Nussbaum on how “The Real World” created modern reality TV.

Katie Dwyer on why fiction debuts aren’t doing well.

Obviously relevant to my interests: on the increasing numbers of authors taking book promotion in their own hands.

me, eating something delicious,
Leonor

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