This week I’m thinking about being uncomfortable. On Saturday, Kate hosted a workshop titled Creative Alchemy: Getting Unstuck and since I would follow her to the ends of the earth, I signed up as soon as she told me about it. Also a part of me was eager to shake off some creative cobwebs, try something new, make something with my hands knowing that with Kate leading the way, it was going to be fun.

It all started out great. Using glue sticks to put things in a fresh notebook? Yes. Staring down some photos and picking ones that felt meaningful to me? SAY LESS. Then we did a little writing, which helped me arrive at a central theme for myself - let go! Push myself and my artistic boundaries. Have fun! Tone down my perfectionism. I felt like I was making progress, but when we got to the part where people chose to share what they’d written, I realized I was being dutiful rather than thoughtful. I clocked it and carried on. I could do better. I would do better!

Then it was time to make art, which I was excited about. I focused on my and tuned out everything around me. When we were done, we were asked to put everything on the floor. As I watched everyone add their canvas one by one, I began to realize something about my own piece of art. And once people began to share, it dawned on me that I’d completely ignored my thematic focus from earlier. I had not let go of perfectionism, I had not pushed my boundaries. I stayed firmly in my comfort zone.

This is highly subjective, but it felt like everyone else’s art was freer. They all seemed to have created their work with an artistic abandon that I simply did not share. Two people went beyond the frame of the canvas, someone else splattered paint, someone else went over the edges. The circles I’d collaged onto my canvas? I’d spent the majority of the allotted time cutting them over and over and they still weren’t perfect but I was running out of time, so I had to commit. And then I spent A LOT of time on the exterior circles because the lines were not as clean as I would’ve liked.

I decided that if I was going to just completely ignore the thing I was hoping to embrace, I may as well be transparent about it. I shared my takeaway from seeing all the canvases together. It was dangerously close to sharing my feelings with strangers! Please hold your applause.

To be honest, I wasn’t going to share all this here! It feels UNCOMFORTABLE! I do not like when I do not EXCEL at things! I chose to because I want to hold myself accountable to make art that’s a little messy, a little rough. I’m not an artist! This is just for fun! I should EMBRACE THE FUN. I manage to do so with this newsletter every week. It’s never perfectly polished. There is always a thought that could’ve been expounded upon, a typo, something I missed, an unfinished sentence, etc. But I send it out anyway and am (mostly) okay with it. I would love to be able to apply that to other creative outlets. As uncomfortable as I was, it felt good to confront that in this very low stakes way.

It is deeply important to note, I was never uncomfortable in a way that was bad! Kate set up an environment that insured that people could share or not share and either choice felt valid. Also, wow, it is amazing to see your friend in their element. I hope Kate offers this (and other) workshops again so I can try again.

This week in reading. . .
I’m a Fan was so disturbing and engrossing, it almost lost me for a moment, but I am glad I pushed through because it was one of the weirdest (in a good way) books I’ve read in a while. The Wind Knows My Name is beautifully written by Isabel Allende, but I had to put it aside. It is just too heavy for me in this moment in time.

​This week in listening. . .
Heben on Dear Prudence!!!!!! If Jenée books Heben and Tracy together, the internet might collectively meltdown (positive)

Of all the diss tracks, Not Like Us has me in an absolute chokehold.

​This week in TV. . .
Is it time to start Mary & George now?

​​This week in a gif. . .

This week in movies. . .
Absolutely everything Michelle Ruiz wrote about The Idea of You is spot on. Another case of two hot people with very little chemistry. Anne Hathaway looks unbelievably good.

This week in a newsletter. . .
Jerry Saltz’ Favorite Things newsletter has launched and I just know we are all gonna be so entertained.

This week in google searches. . .

This week in one good thing. . .
My best friend Raha edited a story that won a PULITZER PRIZE for feature writing and I got to see her face in real life even though she lives so far away. She is a star!!!!!!!

​This week in a quote. . .
“YOU HAVE RIBS. RESPECT THEM. Overall, in fact: Let’s normalize breathing.” - The Fug Girls

​This week in artsy stuff and photo things. . .
Loving these dreamy collages, even the ones with mushrooms.

Excited for this LaToya Ruby Frazier show at MoMA.

This Keith Haring mural in an Iowan elementary school.

This week in a reminder to myself. . .
My hatred of Reggie Miller courses through my veins in such a way that I want to fight every Pacer playing 30 years after the fact.
I will not get my hopes up about the Knicks. (x100)
I still remember the words to Go New York Go New York Go (1994 version. IYKYK) and if I could use the brain space I’ve used up on things like that, I could’ve cured multiple diseases.

​This week on the internet. . .
A sabbatical sounds so so perfect.

Samhita Mukhopadhyay on body positivity.

Absolutely horrified to learn that Anna Sale (of Death, Sex & Money) has pet rats.

For yearssss I have been complaining about how many ravioli you get per order at a nice Italian restaurant! YEARS!

I hate that these two giants were in a perpetual fight.

Oral history of 13 Going on 30, an absolute gem of a movie.

Why, oh why, does this Cabbage Patch live birth experience exist?

me, every weekend,
Leonor

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