Leave it to Leonor #387

This week, I’m thinking about Coven. Ten years ago, I was supposed to have dinner with my friends Chuck and Amelia, and the following night, I was supposed to dine with Roxanne, Alexa, and Mary Jane. At the start of the week, I got an email that a former colleague was having a goodbye party, so I had to do some rescheduling. As a person who is very conscious of group dynamics, I was confident that this would be a good mash-up, so I asked if everyone could get together on Friday. Miraculously, they could. MJ had already sent a long list of options of where to eat to which I replied: 

Friday night when the NYMAG crew was leaving, a few other ladies — Alexis, Rebecca, Jessica — asked them where they were all going. When they said they were meeting me, they all joined—which was how the nine of us wound up at the large table at Eastwood on Friday, March 28, 2014. It was the beginning of a monthly Friday night ritual that has continued for a decade (with some interruptions during big life changes). 

In honor of the 10-year anniversary of this magical night, I Zoomed, emailed, and spoke to more than half of the women who have been a part of Coven to discuss their favorite memories, moments, and meals. I love oral histories so much and wanted to give this my best shot. In July 2023, I sent Roxanne a text message about it and she wrote, in quick succession:

It turns out oral histories are very hard to produce! I will never take one for granted ever again. These conversations have been heavily edited for length and clarity. Also, there are several redactions because what I realized after starting this journey was there were so so many things that could not and should not be shared with a wider audience: What happens at Coven stays at Coven and all that.

I hope you enjoy reading about Coven as much as I’ve enjoyed being a part of it. I’ve loved this process of reminiscing and revisiting and laughing all over again at the shenanigans.

JESSICA: We talked about periods during the very first Coven, right? 
MJ: It was every time. 
LEONOR: You had an iconic period story. The white chair. 
LITL NOTE: This story involves a menstrual cycle, Gayle King, and a white chair. 
JESSICA: I know. I know. I know. It felt so good to tell that.
CHUCK: [GASPS] I swear to God, that story has haunted me.  
JESSICA: I totally transferred the energy of it to you guys because it doesn't haunt me anymore. It never haunted me again after that time.  
NICOLE: I remember having many conversations about menstrual cups. But nobody wanted to listen to me about how you don't even have to have a fucking period if you don't want one.
LEONOR: One of the most formative moments for me at Coven was when Ashlea was preparing for her Asia trip and taught me about menstrual cups.
ASHLEA: Good. I'm so glad that I'm forever linked to the Diva Cup. They are pretty life-changing, especially when you need to pack light.
ERIN: That's funny because Coven is the reason why I have a menstrual cup now. Never looking back, so.
LEONOR: It all comes back to Ashlea. . .and I already know what Amanda's thinking.
AMANDA: This is a perfect segue to how I learned about Coven. I was at Daily Mail at the time and Leonor was at Bloomberg, and we decided to have lunch together. We're just sitting there, and I'm like, every time I am around women or in a women’s group everyone's talking about their periods and I just hate it, it’s so annoying. We have periods, OK? It's already hard to deal with, now we got to talk about it? And then Leonor is like, Oh, perfect, so I have this women's group. We talk about periods there. Do you want to come? It’s on Friday. And I was like, Okay, sure. I'm there. 
AMELIA:  I remember I stupidly had plans afterwards thinking, This will probably just be a one-hour thing. When I had to leave, I remember so clearly that it hurt to leave the literal WOMB of friends and laughter and comfort that was that table!!!
CHUCK: I was so scared. I thought you guys were so smart and cute.
And I still do. But I was like, man, I'm going to just be quiet. 
JESSICA: Then you walk into that period story through and you're like, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. 
CHUCK: Yeah, exactly. I remember leaving the dinner and being like, Oh my god, maybe life can be like this. You can have a cool Coven to look up to and girls to fall back on. I don't think I really had that up until that point. 
NICOLE: I just remember you, Leonor, telling me about it, and you really hyped it up, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna go. I was really nervous because I only knew one person, and it felt very important that everyone like me or that I should at least be the funniest person there.
RAHA: Leonor, I remember you telling me about this group of people randomly colliding one night. And it being the best night ever. And you wanted to formalize it. I was so grateful to be there. Everyone knows that editors are the least fun people to hang out with. Coven was comprised of people from the other departments at New York Mag. Not the editors. It was nice to step outside of the editor circle and talk to normal, cool, funny people who I only really worked with but never got to know that well. It was also great to be around a bunch of women, which wasn't my work experience. I was usually around a bunch of male editors. So it was therapeutic to be in that group.

EMEM: I was so excited because you know how when you stop working together, you wonder, When will we ever see each other again? How often can we actually have drinks? I was so happy to have a place to just come to, because it's not easy to stay in touch. It's really not.
AERIEL: I think mine was an oral invite. It actually is a thread between me and Emem. I'm asking her how the new job is. And then she's asking me about Coven. “Leonor is the bomb and I'm excited to join Coven.” Thursday, January 28, 2016.
AMANDA: When I went to the first coven, it was just like, Okay, I'm new. Then I went to the second one and I remember leaving and getting on the train and thinking, Holy shit this is a goldmine: All of these powerful women and the conversations we were having, the comfort, the back and forth, the curiosity around everyone’s stories. That's always what kept me coming back.
AMELIA: I just remember thinking, This is what it looks like in the movies or tv shows about life in NY, where there's a scene with a group of friends at a restaurant and you think, "Are people really that interesting and animated and interested in one another???" And with Coven it was like, YES.

Immediately after that first night, I decided that Coven needed to heppen regularly. And none of us have any memory of it, but in the email I sent that weekend, I’d already started referring to it as Coven. 

For the first few months, with the exception of Chuck, the group was all NYMAGers. By that summer, I began to add media and media-adjacent women to the mix, always being very conscious of the chemistry of the group.

Then I expanded with our first non-media person, Sivan, who co-owns Eastwood with her business partner Andrew. I’d met Sivan at a photo shoot where we were featuring the famous scotch egg and immediately vibed with her. She allowed me to make recurring monthly reservations and after seeing her at Eastwood multiple times, I asked her if she would join us.

SIVAN: I remember being very quiet and intimidated by how awesome and impressive all the women were. I was blown away. I felt like I just wanted to sit there and soak it all up like a sponge. I felt very honored to join. It meant a lot to me.

With very rare exceptions, we’ve always sat at the same large table.

JESSICA: Wasn't there an infamous night when someone took our table? I feel like I remember hearing a story about it. 
LEONOR: Yes. Yes, there have certainly been times where we've walked in and people have been at the table and we've had to ask them to move. And I asked very nicely!
ROXANNE: When they took the table, Jess, they didn't get to keep the table. 
AMANDA: One time, the table had space and two guys came over to ask if they could share the table. My immediate first thought was like, I don't think you can listen in on what we're talking about here.This is not gonna be good for you. And I looked at Leonor, and it was this absolutely not face.
AERIEL: The whole table kind of went silent.
LEONOR: I once let another group of girls sit at the other end of the table and they sent us chocolate pita, which was very sweet.
NICOLE: I like the Coven table because you can also see everyone coming in and judge them as they walk through the door.

ROXANNE: I had to just tell [REDACTED] he couldn't come. And it was always successful. He never ever crashed, despite his best efforts. 
LEONOR: Yeah well—
JESSICA: Leonor, you were crazy about that. I remember once when someone suggested a man—I don't know who it was but I just remember that person was dead, pretty much. 
LEONOR: So I vaguely remember Roxanne, you mentioning that [REDACTED] was always asking you where you were going one Friday night and you told him about Coven. 
ROXANNE: Eventually the boys of New York magazine then started Bro-ven as a response. 
JESSICA: What? 
~CHAOS AND DISBELIEF ENSUE~
LEONOR: There's no way that they stuck to that. 
MJ: Roxanne, stop. What? Really?
JESSICA: I never knew this. 
ROXANNE: [names three men]
LEONOR: So embarrassing for them. Oh, that's just so embarrassing.

RAHA: Let’s discuss one of the biggest rules of coven.
CHORUS: No man.
No men.
No man.
RAHA: Remember when [REDACTED] came to Eastwood one night and not only were we all like, Oh, it's him, of all people. He came and he sat at the table. And he stayed at the table. He was there for, like, 20 minutes. I remember  everyone's faces as it unfolded. He was completely unaware of what he was doing – the transgression. He was, you know, doing his swaggery thing in the worst possible place. It was perfection.
LEONOR: The worst. The absolute worst.
EMEM: I remember sensing that you guys didn’t like him. It wasn’t going well. 

In January 2018, Sivan and her partner, Andrew, opened up a cocktail bar called The Dancer, a few doors down. Occasionally, we’d migrate there after we’d whittled down to a smaller group. There was even a cocktail named Coven.

LEONOR: I ended up calling them Coven-after-dark trips.

ERIN: I feel like the one time I went after Coven, it was not long after The Dancer had opened, and we sat at that big table with the big booth. I do always refer to it as Coven after Dark because, sure, our conversations at Coven are sometimes risque, but on this particular night at The Dancer, everybody was on something else. It was very raunchy in the best way.

When Coven began, none of us were mothers. Then as the years progressed, people got married, moved, and had babies. 

TEJAL: I was in a phase of asking people a lot about children (I was quite certain I didn’t want to have them at the time and it sometimes felt like a story I was researching). I’m writing this as I nurse my 3-month-old :)
RAHA: I was newly pregnant with my first daughter. It was too early to tell anybody, but Leonor knew. I had all this anxiety about the drinking part of Coven, because I always had a Grüner. I felt like it would be very conspicuous if I didn't. So Leonor had the very thoughtful, wonderful idea of having the bartender sneakily pour me a glass of non-alcoholic beer. It was absolutely disgusting. I knew I wasn’t going to finish it. I just needed something in my hand. It was a good prop. Apparently after I left, Mary Jane finished off my fake beer.
LEONOR: She was like, What beer did Raha have? Because there is something wrong with the tap, Sivan.
MJ: I have this visceral memory of the taste of the beer — not quite bold or flavorful enough. I remember thinking Hmm, that's weird. I'm sure I didn't piece it together myself, I was too chaotic, but I remember commenting on the beer taste. 
RAHA: Later on in my pregnancy, Coven threw me a surprise baby shower. The banner that you made of my daughter’s initials is still hanging above her bed. I read her all the baby books you guys got me. And now I read them to my younger daughter. The memory of that night lives on. 

LEONOR: The night I told everyone I was pregnant, I ordered a Coke in the glass bottle and everyone was instantly suspicious, which is fair, I suppose. 
MJ: I can't believe how many Coven babies there are!!! 
LITL NOTE: There are over 20 Coven babies. 
LEONOR: [Rebecca’s son appears on the Zoom] The only boys allowed at Coven are the Coven babies.

The food at Eastwood is part of the magic of Coven. After Sivan and I met the first time at the Scotch egg shoot, we had her return to NYMAG later that year for our annual “Cheap Eats” issue, for which photographed the fish and chips. 

TEJAL: At Eastwood, I’d order a half pint of something on tap and fries because I usually had a review dinner to get to afterward!
JESSICA: Leonor, I remember you were drinking Grüner and eating a Scotch egg. 
ROXANNE: That's how I discovered Grüner. 
JESSICA: Me too! 
ROXANNE: It was the most confident I’d ever walked up to a bar because once I figured out that I liked it, I could always just walk up and say, “One Grüner, please.” 
AERIEL: I don't think I've ever ordered the same thing twice at Coven. I wing it every time.
ERIN: I am the exact opposite of that. I think about what I'm gonna order all week. It's usually between one of three orders: The salmon with the cauliflower. Maybe a kale salad with that. Almost always rosé. And then more recently I've really liked the lamb burger a ton, so I'll get that with fries. Sometimes I'll do the chicken sandwich. 
AMANDA: I always get the Scotch egg, because I have to. And then wherever I get the salmon with the kale salad, later, I regret not  getting the lamb burger because it's very satisfying with the fries. So it's a lamb burger and then a white wine, but they do have this really delicious orange wine.
AERIEL: The orange wine is always a contender. It's always a contender.
NICOLE: Lamb burger, fries, Grüner, every time. Even on Zoom, I was drinking Grüner for Coven.

In April 2019, Coven went on a short hiatus while I was on maternity leave and then in March 2020, it went on a much longer hiatus because of COVID. We had a few cocktails over Zoom in the interim, but our first in-person Coven happened in June 2021.

EMEM: With the Zoom Covens, my brain only seems to remember Nicole on her porch with Maggie and a cocktail. 
AERIEL: The virtual covens kept me sane. I did cut myself badly on my sourdough bread while drinking the Stanley Tucci version of the Negroni, which felt peak pandemic. 
SIVAN: I only did one Coven Zoom. That was my one and only Zoom. I don't like Zoom. I find it so strange. 

AERIEL: The first IRL one, there was a lot of debate about whether we should meet inside or out. We sweated it out outside. Each person’s arrival was met with absolute squeals of joy. 
LEONOR: I remember threatening everyone with tears. (I do not actually recall crying. But it definitely could’ve happened.) 
AERIEL: There was orange wine and cake. I think I was pregnant, and we talked about porn star names.
SIVAN: We all missed each other so much, lots of hugs, lots of good emotions. We sat outside. I wanted to make it special. I think I got lavender for everyone and quickly found out Emem has a severe allergy to lavender. I almost killed her! 

Since March 2014, there have been 80+ Covens. It has become a perfect end-of-the-week work-detox hang, even now, when most of us are not coworkers.

SIVAN: It's rare for me to be part of a group. I often feel like I dwell separate and alone. Coven makes me feel very much a part of something larger and with women I truly respect and look up to. I feel like I'm always learning something valuable through Coven. And it's fun! One of the things I look forward to the most on my calendar. 
ALEXIS: I'm now super old in the office. There are all these 27-year-olds running around. There was a time when there were hardly any women in any senior position. And all of us young women were like, What the fuck? People are surprised by that. It's really kind of changed, which is good.
ROXANNE: When I see all the young people who are going out together every night from the office, obviously never inviting me, I like to think that everybody is going to their own versions of Coven. They're in the years of their lives that are so dear, you know? 
REBECCA: You guys were my people. It was really special. I really haven't had coworkers like you guys since then. 
ROXANNE: Coven was the ultimate after-work cocktail situation. You don't really have that anymore for a number of reasons. You're having kids, the pandemic. It was the apex of being young and female and working in New York City and going out for drinks after work. 
LEONOR: I feel like I've never in my life laughed as hard or shouted as loudly than at that table. We are so loud and so excitable about everything. All the time. 
AMELIA: It's important to the health of every witch to gather, with somewhat regularity, over very good food and affordable (by NYC standards) wine with great friends who uplift, who make you laugh, who make you feel smart and alive and energized!!! New moon canon! I don't make this up!

She did, in fact, make it up, but she is very much not wrong. I leave every Coven vibrating with energy and joy.

Last week, we celebrated 10 years of Coven. Nicole the Troll, who lives in NOLA, surprised me by flying up for the dinner because OF COURSE SHE DID.  I’m so grateful and honored to have this impressive, intelligent, kind, ridiculously hot, loving group of women in my life. Cannot wait for the next dinner. . .and the one after that. . .and the one after that. . .

Thank you Raha, Erin, Amanda & MJ for all your help editing and organizing.

This week in reading. . .
I was deeply unimpressed with Kennedy Ryan’s latest which I bought at The Ripped Bodice - a must visit bookstore. I was very on trend reading Annie Ernaux’s Young Man and am dipping in and/ out of Margaret Atwood’s short fiction collection, Old Babes in the Woods.

​This week in listening. . .
Obviously, I am going to be listening to this Felicity podcast. 

​This week in TV. . .
I can already tell that Such Brave Girls is going to be a wild ride.

Been doing a Scandal rewatch after my sister reminded me how hot Scott Foley is these days. Those early seasons were so absolutely ridiculous, but still relatively entertaining. I absolutely will not be watching the later seasons.

​​This week in a gif. . .

This week in movies. . .
I watched The Super Mario Bros. Movie and it was. . .well, exactly what I expected.

​This week in a newsletter. . .
Yes, just send me the photos!

I genuinely laughed out loud reading this media party hate column.

​This week in follow this account. . .
I cannot, in good conscious, tell you to follow this young man who serenades celebrities because it is wildly uncomfortable, but if you are braver than I, you can watch some of them.

This week in google searches. . .

• double dutch sesame street

• j. crew elena shirt dress

• vintage house and garden magazine

This week in one good thing. . .
Two of my favorite people, Mandi and Kate, were born on the same day and it always feels so magical.

​This week in a quote. . .
“Books are time travelers. I only have to pick up one of my books and I remember when I first read it.” - Dian Parker

​This week in artsy stuff and photo things. . .
Dina Litovsky on working “for exposure” (and the aftermath of that post)

These photos of the subway being built in 1901 and 1902 are incredible.

I have so many thoughts and feelings about my first photo boss, the legend, Kathy Ryan retiring. Enough to fill an entire newsletter, I suspect.

​This week on the internet. . .
Welp, perimenopause sounds truly terrible.

This piece about being the girlfriend of someone everyone thirsts after made me chuckle.

Somehow it has been 20 years since Eternal Sunshine?

The Nuyorican is getting a remodel!

I made babysitting a big part of my personality as a teen, so I am sad to read that there is a major decline.

Google graveyard! (RIP Google Reader forever and ever)

This beautiful piece on step-families by Lily Dunn.

me, when I don’t get things right the first time,
Leonor

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