This week, I am thinking about The Compound. The Compound is how I refer to the two apartments, which I called home for my entire childhood, through college and part of my early twenties. They are side by side on the same floor in the same building.

In 1963, my grandfather, Jorge, immigrated here from Ecuador. He first moved into a small apartment across the street from The Compound and for the next five years he worked and slowly brought over his family. First his wife, Aida, and middle daughter, Sandra, then a few years later, his eldest two children, Leonor (my mom) and Elena. By 1971, he and my grandma had two more kids. Eventually, a huge pre-war apartment opened up across the street. It was twice the price of the apartment they lived in, but with five children, my grandfather considered it worth the risk. So in 1979, they moved into apartment C2. A year or so later, my parents moved into apartment C3.  

Fast forward to 2017, my frequent creative partner in crime and work husband, Josef was talking to me about an idea he had for a project. It sparked an idea that led to another idea which led to my final idea. A photo book of the apartment over the last 40 years. For the next 15-ish months, I pillaged photo albums, frames, online albums and boxes crammed with photos. I went against my photo editor instincts and pulled anything that showed the apartment, not necessarily "good" photos. A few months in, I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by the amount of content I'd amassed. Turns out we are a family of documentarians. My next step was scanning. So much scanning, I had to do it in batches to avoid losing my mind. (Yes, I know there are services that could've handled the scanning but I couldn't risk everyone's pictures getting lost). The old school photo editor in me wanted to print out minis and make boards, but I quickly realized that there was no way I'd be able to without a loft-sized studio. Josef and I frequently joked that we'd end up like this: 

How do you find an organizing method for 40 years of content? I started separating the newly scanned photos into their appropriate rooms. Patterns began to emerge as I sorted and I made sub-folders: dogs, events, certain walls and corners and windows. There were images decades apart that echoed each other that needed to find their way in there. I was completely overwhelmed. 

Luckily, Josef was on board to design the book (as I kept reminding him, it was really all his fault). I sent him a general sense of how I wanted it to be organized and, like he always does, he created an elegant and sophisticated design. 

The book came in at nearly 50 pages (with unlimited funds and more time, it could've been 100). Everyone got a copy for Christmas. There were tears and exclamations and shockingly few corrections, although I'm giving it time. There are, of course, a few things I would go back and tweak now, but that's the perfectionist streak that I am forever trying to suppress. 

The cover has colors inspired by the Ecuadorian flag. Note: the cover has been slightly altered to remove some personal family info, which is why you don't see the blue.

Here's to another 40! 

​This week in reading. . .
Before 2018 ended, I snuck in a gossip-y, beach-y read by Elin Hilderbrand which felt strange to read during the holidays instead of on a beach or during the summer. This week, I've been zipping through the incredibly charming YA novel, The Summer of Jordi Perez. 

​This week in listening. . .
Good Company's podcast with change makers. 

Recode Decode's episode on the history of Reddit almost made me want to read the book they were discussing. Almost. 

​This week in TV. . .
I read Marie Kondo's book which is really bonkers, but it had a few good ideas in it that I have continued to think about. I'm very intrigued by her show and I appreciate that they are going to be featuring people who are downsizing and not just rich people with lots of rich people things. 

I was rewatching Parenthood over the holidays and much of it holds up, with the notable exception of Kristina's smooth and relatively painless opening up of a charter school. 

The new Netlix series, 7 Days Out to be very hit or miss. The Eleven Madison Park episode was particularly good. I felt like the Westminster Dog Show one was just okay and that is as someone who loves dogs!

​​This week in a gif. . .

This week in movies. . .
I really really really do not like scary movies, but I really really really want to support Jordan Peele and bear witness to his cinematic genius. How do I make peace with this before this movie comes out? 

Case in point: Bird Box was terrifying. I am very very glad I didn't watch it alone and during the day. 

I saw Aquaman and it was so so terrible. My god. Why can't I, as a DC Comics fan, have nice things?!?! I know I should be happy with the Wonder Woman movie, but why not both, dammit?! 

​This week in a quote. . .
". . .the answer is not that you just suddenly started doing it, it’s that you started with what you could manage and built from there. I could go on forever about how we love the magical narrative of success so much that we just ignore the plain evidence of sustained effort, but we have to move on." - Casey Johnston

​This week in artsy stuff and photo things. . .
I could read an entire book about these NYC property tax photos from the 30's. 

I like this post by Buzzfeed photo editors about how to art challenging pieces. 

These ultra saturated paintings by Daniel Heidkamp are so fun. I'd buy one right now if I could.  

This week in advice. . .
What advice do you have for people trying to make or maintain close friendships as adults? As people have children or move away, it becomes more and more difficult. 

He said: The keys to making successful platonic relationships are the same as romantic ones. You have to put in the work and dedication to making it work.

First, determine what kind of friend you have. Some friends bond by talking a little bit every day (via texts, email, snaps, IG comments, DMs) and some don’t talk for months and then do a big catch up over one night. Make sure how your encoding commutation  is conducive with how your friends will receive and decode it.

Second, take the time to actually be with your friend in person. Whether that is a standing date night once a month or once every other month, make the effort and time to be there, in person, focused. I have a friend where we take a 3 day weekend every other year.  I also have established a new tradition where I visit my beloved co-columnist in NOLA every year during her birthday weekend (this year will be year 2! out of a total of 3 years together). Setting aside a day in the sometimes far future can be a silent motivation and shows that you are putting the effort forth.

I do not say any of this to diminish the pulls and work of romantic relationships, children, work, and the existential threat that is This American Life,  but our close friendships helped form us to be the people that our partners found attractive, don’t jettison those bonds under the weight of being “busy”.

She said: TALK. ON. THE. PHONE. It's terrible and annoying, but it's better and provides a closer connection than the passive friendship you get from commenting on an instagram post. I moved away from ALL my friends and for a little while it was bad, and then i decided that it was up to me to make it less bad. For instance- Marc and I used to have a standing Monday night date to watch terrible TV and have dinner together. Now that I live far away, we still watch TV, but now we have a phone call afterward that is supposed to be a download about the show, but is really when we catch up and talk about all the shit we'd be talking about if we were sitting next to each other drinking high ABV beer on my couch. I have a scheduled standing phone date with another friend. I send cards. I do what I can to remind people that it's just a physical distance not a mental one.

As for you friends with kids, you have to adapt (but so do they). Part of friendship is wanting to know what's going on in someone's life, and when your friends have kids, a big part of their life is that. Not ALL of it mind you, but a BIG chunk of it. So don't roll your eyes or get salty. If they listened to you yammer on about your stupid Tinder date for 20 minutes, you can sit through 20 minutes of toilet training talk (also kids are hilarious and will read their parents in ways you wouldn't DARE, so it's worth it for that alone.)

I'm going long on this one, but I think one of my best skills is making friends as an adult (hi Leonor!) and honestly, just embrace the awkward and roll with it anyways. If you and the person on the mat next to you always roll your eyes together at the show-off in yoga class, ask them out for a coffee!  Compliment strangers- if you like that person's boots, tell them! You never know where it could lead. I've also had excellent luck emailing strangers off the internet (Hi L and J!) but that's an advanced maneuver. As a gregarious and also unfriendly person, using your network is good too. Friends of friends are by definition already been partially vetted, so use that to your advantage! Think of it like dating, but better.

I said: I think the first thing is to find your format. For far away friends, some people love phone calls, others love emails, others texts. When it comes to those who are close by, do after work drinks work best? Dinner? Weekend hangs? Breakfast? Figure out which of those works best for you and your friend. 

But here's the most important part. SHOW UP. I know we are all busy and life is stressful, unpredictable and exhausting, but showing up for your friends is the thing that shows them that you value their time and friendship. Showing up means different things for different people, but figure out what it means for your friendship and DO IT. Much like my friend, Hanya, I believe very strongly that our friendships are some of the most important relationships of our lives. Treat them as such. 

“Friendship is the most underrated relationship in our lives … It remains the one relation not bound by law, blood, or money — but an unspoken agreement of love.” - Hanya Yanagihara

Reader, what do YOU say?

He is: Marc Merius, an aspiring bon vivant who reads slowly, runs quickly and is a loves the DMV but will always be a Florida Boy at heart.

She is: Nicole Washington, an occasional caterer and full time troller of Leonor. She reads quickly, walks slowly, and actually quite enjoys the humidity in her adopted home of New Orleans.  

This week in an Editor's Note. . .
Just a reminder: if you are interested in joining the Leave it to Leonor No Shop 2019 listserv, email me! We are discussing and sharing tips, tricks and strategies for a successful No Shop year. Even if you are only doing it for a month or a quarter, you're welcome to join!

​This week on the internet. . .
This piece on the business of rescuing puppies in the South and bringing them up North to be adopted.

Rich Woodson on the life of a NYC dogwalker. 

I feel like there has been a bit of writing about how memorials have become weird photo ops, but this one by William C. Anderson is particularly interesting in the way he discusses how it feels like a recreation of violence. 

This piece about what it's like to be a cable guy in America is as disturbing as you'd expect. 

I grew up in a very glittery household, so this piece by the always brilliant Caity Weaver was especially interesting. 

Roger and Serena paying each other compliments is the energy we all need to take into 2019. 

My favorite newsletter is here!!!! TOP DOGS!!!!!!!!

me, as a grandma, 
Leonor